Chit-chat

Working at home today so I'm able to check the forum and Facebook.

Spent the morning playing in the garden......clearing up fallen leaves and recycling newspaper into paper logs for the fire. Tearing up newspaper is very therapeutic and getting outside for a couple of hours helps to keep my stress levels down.

Asteroids Sara - Community Champion

Hi Sara

You have put me to shame .. I bought one of those paper log makers last year ready to use during the summer.... well its still boxed and the newspapers are piling up.How bad am I :(

Leanne - Community Champion

Paper log makers are great. Hubby was very sceptical at first but logs burn well. We tend to alternate between the paper ones and wood.

We don't throw any paper away now. It all gets recycled at home.

Elena, autumn (fall) is also my favourite time of year. I love the colours, kicking through piles of leaves, the smells of autumn.....

And I was born on the day of the autumn equinox.

 Asteroids Sara - Community Champion

Hi Leanne,

Never threaten a child with a punishment you can't carry out. Consistency is the key so following through with a small punishment is much more effective than breaking a large one. Also, try to keep punishments short term, unless they are for very serious misdemeaners, in which case you need a finishing point. The finishing point could be a date or when money has been paid back. Look for any possible loopholes which your child might exploit in order to get the punishment changed or completed quicker than you anticipated. Eg. you say no pocket money until he's paid back £20. So he sells a usless item to a friend for £20 and pays you back the same day. You would feel cheated as the punishment hadn't lasted long enough.

I suppose the key is to think about it first and discuss it with your husband before actually dishing out the punishment.

Asteroids Sara - Community Champion

I think parents do carry a lot of guilt. I meet a lot of parents who know that strict boundaries are best but really struggle to maintain them as they feel it is unfair or their child is missing out. Where there are other children in the family, the parents feel that their autistic child should be treated differently, excused from doing tasks which the others have to do. They may set up a very good reward scheme but then let their autistic child off if they don't quite live up to the expectations. Unfortunately, that just reinforces the unwanted behaviour so doesn't help in the long term.

I think you know all this anyway, Leanne, but perhaps it helps to hear it from someone else.

I fully understand your husband's feelings of guilt and also the fact that he is a big softie. For those reasons, you both need to make sure that he is able to stick rigidly to any punishment he gives out. If, at a later time, you both feel that the punishment was a little too harsh, find a way to end it or reduce it without admitting that you misjudged it.

I think you're right that your emotional detachment helps you to be consistent and effective.

Asteroids Sara - Community Champion